Together has always been one of my favorite words, the opposite of alone — the conqueror of loneliness
I was taught it’s spelling as a child and still to this day find myself spelling, “to” “get” “her”
I like the idea, that togetherness aligns so closely with my personal desires, ‘to get her’ not a woman, or a partner, but “her” specifically.
My loneliness is cured by her, and her alone — when we’re together.
At times in life you come to a fork in the road, a place where you must make a decision; each road is filled with unknown possibility. So you take slow steps down the road, until you become comfortable, until you open up and sprint, until the excitement and the success overcome the fear.
I’ve started to see new romances as a fork in the road, yet somehow turned around. You’re running along on your road, in your space and comfort zone. Suddenly you find yourself merging, sharing the road with a stranger, you slow down, the fear of the unknown and all it’s possibility are upon you. After awhile your steps align, you become calm, you begin to enjoy the company, and when another fork comes in your road — maybe it’s a little less scary if you take it together — maybe you’ve found that someone to navigate the twists and turns with. Maybe as you run together you grow together, and as the fork came into one so do you two.
Curiosity killed the cat, or so they always say;
questioning your choices, when things don’t go your way.
We live our lives in the unknown, surrounded by it’s fear;
I purpose this new truth, decisive action makes it clear.
For if each choice is made with due diligence, in the proper light;
we never second guess ourselves, knowing we did right.
The cat can roam all it’s nine lives, carefree in the dark;
Making wise decisions, turning from a bark.
The clock spins as the sun rises and falls
midnight conversations and their tell alls.
When the lights are out, the truth can’t stay in;
innocent conversation is where romance begins.
Secrets fall on caring ears,
compassion wiping away old tears.
Still afraid to let someone in,
to touch us deeply and see our sin.
Hours pass in conversation,
Then suddenly the sun begins to rise.
It’s the time to say goodbyes,
but we’re left fighting tired eyes,
wishing for more time under dark skies.
I’ve grown to appreciate the adage, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” more and more. I’ve internalized it in an attempt to understand my interaction with others; I’ve flipped it around in an effort to understand the way that I’m perceived, and in doing so have realized that they way I look, walk, and talk is almost the complete opposite of who I truly am.
It was a sobering and lonely thought.
I began to question myself, question why I’ve grown to act the way I do, to question my facade, and the slow realization came: I started life unformed, a block to be whittled, and like anyone else I suppose was molded by praise and chastisement. However, my perception never became my reality, my character has been locked behind the iron curtain of my action, not lost but spectating, very cognizantly criticizing and judging me and the people around me, but seldom stopping me. I put on this front as a shield against rebuke, so when people didn’t like “me,” it wasn’t the real me they didn’t like. This idea in converse was true too, but humorously unsuccessful, see I tried to pretend to be someone I’m not, an amalgam of various characteristics I liked in people, and have never really been successful, I could never really mimic the traits I held in esteem. My friends now, upon proper inspection, like me for the shining moments when my character is seen behind the wall. Yet, even with this realization, acknowledging this divide in character and action, I cannot break away. I can handle people not liking my purported self, but prospect of people not liking the real me is far too daunting.
In writing this my aim is to offer a perspective, but more than just perspective. to issue a challenge; do what I as yet have been unwilling to do, tare down your wall, let your character shine through your actions, be known to the people around you, let your eyes not be a window to your soul but your whole body an extension of it. Live you, Live free.